Straight, No Chaser: The Top 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years on Earth Related to Health (Part II)


I could muse on my observations on human nature forever. I’ve been very fortunate to have had this front row seat to life’s quirks and nuances. You can go here for the first 25 items on my list. Thanks for being a part of this.
26. In an emergency room, the physicians spend at least as much time treating your fears as they do any medical issues that exist.
27. You can do anything you choose. Physicians aren’t the morality police, so don’t ask any doctor to justify your bad decisions. We provide information, then treat. Judging you really isn’t our thing.
28. For every person that brags about how the bullet was less an inch away from doing something really bad, I can point to a hundred people from whom the bullet was on target. Avoid a gunfight.
29. There is nowhere on your body where a burning sensation is meant to feel good. Contrary to popular belief, a “hunk of burning love” is not a good thing.
30. You have less control and margin for error than you think regarding your bad habits. Usually it’s not if something bad will happen; it’s when.
31. Proof that love is blind is offered every time you see a mother grab a newborn covered in all that childbirth.
32. Want to see your future health? Look at your immediate family. They’re the ones who will either be cooking and caring for your or stressing you out and sending you to an early grave. I bet you already know … and don’t forget to look in the mirror!
33. People overuse the ER because it’s convenient and for most people doesn’t cost anything. They’ll stop when something more convenient is made available or when the ER is made less available.
34. Not being able to breathe appears to be the most terrifying way to die. Smokers, you’ve been warned.
35. If you’re one of those still driving a car without a seat beat or a motorcycle without a helmet, you can’t be surprised when it happens.
36. Delivering a child into the world is still the most amazing thing I’ve done in an emergency room.
37. Nothing matches the look on a patient’s face when you explain that you’re going to stick a needle directly into his penis and extract blood in order to reduce his erection that won’t otherwise go down. Quick! Look in the mirror! That’s the look.
38. If you brag to me that “I haven’t seen a doctor in 40 years, and I’m just doing fine,” I fear for what is about to be discovered.
39. I’ve never had a patient who told me, “I’m going to die today” make it out of the emergency room. Don’t ever say those words to a doctor.
40. People ask me what the oddest thing I’ve ever done to a patient. Cracking their chest open to massage or manually repair a heart is pretty high on the list.
41. No one’s “happiest day of my life” was on a day when they were sick. Stay healthy, and enjoy more happy days.
42. Ladies, it’s true. Men are much less tolerant of pain than women.
43.  Nothing combines physical, mental and spiritual trauma like being sexually assaulted. No one recovers from rape. At best, they develop sufficient coping mechanisms to deal with it.
44. Proof that we’re still only animals is found in people who punch walls.
45. I suspect drug addiction wouldn’t be nearly as devastating if people didn’t allow denial to prevent them from dealing with it for so long.
46. The hardest part of my job is keeping a straight face. If you were doing this, 90% of the time you’d either be laughing, crying or screaming.
47. Your infants are a lot more resilient than you believe they are.
48. When the time comes, most people are much more ready to die than their family members are for them to die.
49. What do I know that you don’t? I’ve seen the story of how your bad habits end. More importantly, I’ve also seen how happy older, healthy people are. If you could see how consistently true that is, you’d be motivated to straighten up and fly right.
50. Medical miracles really do happen. In your time of need, don’t ever stop believing. Or praying.
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