Tag Archives: national domestic violence hotline

Straight, No Chaser: Battered Woman Syndrome and Why Victims Stay In Abusive Relationships

Public Health, Trauma, Mental Health, , , , , , ,

battered wife syndrome

Domestic violence has been in the news quite a bit lately, and among the many questions asked, perhaps the most frequent is beguiling to many: “Why do the victims stay in the abusive relationship?” Today’s Straight, No Chaser discusses the Battered Woman Syndrome (BWS). In recent Straight, No Chaser posts, we have looked at several aspects of domestic violence, including the following (click the links to access the posts):

As suggested by the name, many more women are victims of domestic violence and battered woman syndrome than men, although men are also victims of physical, psychological and sexual abuse. As viewed by the psychiatric community, BWS is a subcategory of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
To be clear, this is about power, control and violence. Both the symptoms produced and the treatment offered revolves around 1) identifying and breaking the perpetrator’s control and 2) identifying and changing the environment fostering the victim’s previous inability to escape that control. In some men, the need to exert power and to control women simply exists (whether learned as a child or innate), and abuse is how it is expressed. Until battered women take back some control over their lives, some will continue to suffer from the consequences of this disorder.

Let’s answer a few commonly asked questions about battered domestic partners.

battered wife syndrome cycle

What are the symptoms of battered woman syndrome?

  • Avoidance behavior and emotional numbing (usually expressed as depression, dissociation, minimization, repression and denial)
  • Body image distortion and/or physical complaints resulting from psychological stress
  • Disrupted interpersonal relationships resulting from the abuser’s power and control measures
  • Hyperarousal (jitteriness) and a high level anxiety
  • Unwanted, intrusive recollections of associated traumatic event(s)
  • Sexual intimacy issues

battered woman coping responses

What is the treatment approach and plan for victims of BWS?
The survivor therapy empowerment program (STEP) is the central approach to helping BWS patients recover.

  • Labeling and validation of abuse and safety planning (i.e. identify it, name it, and develop a plan for ongoing safety)
  • Cognitive restructuring (i.e. mentally free the victim from the willingness to accept the abuse and conditions producing the abuse)
  • Recognizing danger and building strengths
  • Reducing stress and PTSD symptoms
  • Learning about the existing cycle of violence (between behaviors and abusive actions)
  • Identifying and treating additional components of post-traumatic stress disorder
  • Calculating and adjusting for the impact on children
  • Grieving relationships and letting go
  • Emotional re-regulation (i.e. reprioritizing your emotional investments)
  • Rebuilding new relationships
  • Learning to appropriately allocating your pleasing behaviors and compliance issues
  • Termination (i.e. ending association with negative behavioral and individuals)

battered woman investment_model_abusive_relationships

Why do women stay?
It really is both a complicated and easily understood answer. There are many components to why victims stay and what’s necessary for them to escape, including any or all the following.

  • Domestic violence involves violence. Death is an option. This option becomes most viable when victims are escaping or have left, as the perpetrator no longer has control of the situation and fears the impending consequences. Clearly the victims understand this as well.
  • The dependency on the abusive environment often precludes leaving. Not having an escape plan, a safe haven or sufficient support are prohibitive to removing yourself from an abusive environment.
  • Battered women syndrome includes a certain mentality of invested love, hope and fears of loss that victims often do not care to easily relinquish.
  • In many cases BWS involves children, which further enhances the emotional investments and sense of impending loss, by both perpetrator and victim.

If you find yourself in such an environment and manage to escape, speak early, often, loudly and broadly about your prior situation. It will generate the various levels of support needed to prevent a relapse or recapture. Given that between a quarter to a third of women are or have been in an abusive relationship, someone you know is at risk. This is so prevalent that most emergency rooms now screen every woman for domestic abuse. Take the time today to ask your friends and loved ones if they need help. If you are that person, get help while you can.

national-domestic-violence-hotline-big

The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You should definitely memorize it, but I hope you never have to use it. Unfortunately, the odds reveal that many of you will. I have attached a related TED talk on this same topic by a survivor.
Feel free to ask your SMA expert consultant any questions you may have on this topic.
Order your copy of Dr. Sterling’s new book Behind The Curtain: A Peek at Life from within the ER at jeffreysterlingbooks.com, iTunes, Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and wherever books are sold.
Thanks for liking and following Straight, No Chaser! This public service provides a sample of what http://www.SterlingMedicalAdvice.com (SMA) and 844-SMA-TALK offers. Please share our page with your friends on WordPress, like us on Facebook @ SterlingMedicalAdvice.com and follow us on Twitter at @asksterlingmd.
Copyright © 2016 · Sterling Initiatives, LLC · Powered by WordPress

Straight, No Chaser: Domestic Violence – How to Get Out of an Abusive Situation

Mental Health, Trauma, , , , , ,

physabuse

Remember: You are not to blame, and you need not face domestic violence alone.

With the recent attention in the news on domestic violence and debates about responses and responsibility, I thought this post would refocus attention on where it needs to be: getting the abused individual safely out of harm’s way.
This is the third in a three-part series on domestic violence. The first post focused on the scope of domestic violence. The second post focused on risk factors and identifying whether your situation places you at risk.
When it comes to domestic violence, it is the immediate danger that can make it difficult for you to figure out the safest next move. Thus, it becomes important to know in advance the how and where of your escape plan.
Escaping the Crisis
If you are in a crisis situation, first make sure you and any other family members (e.g., children, parents) are safe. Leave the scene immediately, and find safe haven wherever it exists, such as an emergency shelter or the home of a friend or family member. You can find a shelter by calling (800) 799-SAFE. Call the police if you think you can’t leave home safely or if you want to bring charges against your abuser. If possible, take house keys, money and important papers with you. The staff members at emergency shelters can help you file for a court order of protection.
Be advised: Do not use drugs or alcohol at this time, because you need to be alert in a crisis. Even while you do what you feel you must do, be aware that use of weapons (even in a life-saving defense) will likely complicate and confuse matters.
If you can, just in  case, plan your escape. Establish escape routes and a safe haven. Secure important documents.
Where Do I Go If I’m Mentally or Physically Hurt?
Talk to a physician or get to an emergency department. We are prepared to check you for any life-threatening consequences to your abuse, treat any medical issue, provide mental health support and make referrals. Should you find an emergency shelter, counseling and support groups are available for you and your children. 
physabuseman
Dealing With Your Abuser
Your primary focus should be on finding help for yourself and escaping the danger.

  • First things first: Call the police if you believe that you are in danger.
  • Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), your state domestic violence coalition and/or a local domestic violence agency. Seek out and speak with a family law advocate at your local crisis center. He or she can help you press charges against the perpetrator, file a temporary restraining order and advise you on how to seek a permanent restraining order.
  • Don’t keep your circumstances hidden. Discuss them with a physician, nurse, therapist, friend, family member or spiritual advisor when you first believe yourself to be in a dangerous environment. Be careful to avoid advice that attempts to place you back in harm’s way or to do anything that is not best for you or your family. Don’t let someone talk you into doing something that isn’t right for you.
  • Document any attempts at contact by the perpetrator. Save any new messages (especially threatening ones).
  • Keep photographs that show any injuries you received. You will need this should you pursue legal action (e.g., press charges or file a restraining order).
  • While it’s best to avoid the abuser completely, if you must meet to exchange documents or personal effects, do it in broad daylight where plenty of people are around, particularly those you know. It is preferable to have someone else make those exchanges, if possible.

dvhotline
After You’ve Escaped
You need to remain detached from your former situation as much as possible and implement changes in your life. Consider these following tips:

  • Establish a new routine. Someone looking for you will look for you in places you’ve frequented in the past.
  • Maintain an escape plan in your new location. It may seem counterintuitive, but avoid a route that takes you through areas with potential weapons – your attacker may end up with them instead of you.
  • Change your mobile or home phone number immediately after you’ve escaped the situation.

Being subjected to repeated domestic violence can extract a devastating psychological toll. Although many domestic violence survivors do not need mental health treatment, and many symptoms resolve once they and their children are safe and have support, for others, treatment is a major component of their plan for safety and recovery.
Again, the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You should definitely memorize it, but I hope you never have to use it. Unfortunately, the odds reveal that many of you will.
I hope you have found the information in this series helpful. Good luck. Feel free to contact your Sterling Medical Advice expert consultant with any questions you have on this topic.
Feel free to ask your SMA expert consultant any questions you may have on this topic.
Order your copy of Dr. Sterling’s new book Behind The Curtain: A Peek at Life from within the ER at jeffreysterlingbooks.com, iTunes, Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and wherever books are sold.
Thanks for liking and following Straight, No Chaser! This public service provides a sample of what http://www.SterlingMedicalAdvice.com (SMA) and 844-SMA-TALK offers. Please share our page with your friends on WordPress, like us on Facebook @ SterlingMedicalAdvice.com and follow us on Twitter at @asksterlingmd.
Copyright © 2016 · Sterling Initiatives, LLC · Powered by WordPress

Straight, No Chaser: Focus on Domestic Violence

Mental Health, Trauma, , , , , ,

Domestic-Violence

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, although it doesn’t take a break during other months. Are you concerned about domestic violence? You are not alone. Domestic violence occurs in every culture and society. It occurs in all age groups and in men and women. It occurs in all races, income levels and religions. It occurs in heterosexual and homosexual relationships. It is estimated that one in four women and one in nine men will be victims of domestic violence at some point in their lives. That’s right. Many (if not most) emergency rooms now screen every single woman for domestic violence. You need to know the signs of danger and what you can do to get help.
This is the first in a three-part series on domestic violence. This post will focus on the scope of domestic violence. The next post will focus on identifying risk factors. The third post will focus on actions to take if you find yourself in a relationship in which domestic violence occurs.
Domestic violence is the abuse that one person with control in a household inflicts on another. Perpetrators can include parents or other caregivers, siblings, spouses or intimate partners. Domestic violence reveals itself in several forms, including sexual (e.g., rape), physical (e.g., biting, hitting, kicking) and mental abuse (e.g., constant criticisms or threats, limiting ability to lead otherwise normal lives). These forms tend to center around abnormal control of an aspect of another’s life. The level of mental control is such that victims of domestic violence often internalize the activity as normal, assign fault to themselves and/or accept responsibility for the abuse.

Domestic violence is a crime in all 50 states of the U.S.

It is a crime.

Victims do not cause abuse and are not responsible for it.

national-domestic-violence-hotline-big

Domestic violence has consistent adverse effects on mental health.

  • Children suffering from domestic violence often display developmental delays, aggressive behavior, difficulty performing in school and low self-esteem. They are at greater risk for being diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder.
  • Domestic violence increases the diagnoses of anxiety disorder, depression, panic attacks and post-traumatic stress disorder. It is associated with an increase in substance abuse.
  • Domestic violence increases the incidence of psychotic episodes, suicide attempts and homelessness. It’s presence slows recovery from those suffering from other mental illness.
  • Domestic violence increases the risk of retaliatory violence against the perpetrators.

Please … contact us if you’re in need of support. Our expert crisis counselors are here for you, 24/7. 1-844-SMA-TALK or www.SterlingMedicalAdvice.com. You don’t have to “endure with dignity.”
Feel free to ask your SMA expert consultant any questions you may have on this topic.
Order your copy of Dr. Sterling’s new book Behind The Curtain: A Peek at Life from within the ER at jeffreysterlingbooks.com, iTunes, Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and wherever books are sold.
Thanks for liking and following Straight, No Chaser! This public service provides a sample of what http://www.SterlingMedicalAdvice.com (SMA) and 844-SMA-TALK offers. Please share our page with your friends on WordPress, like us on Facebook @ SterlingMedicalAdvice.com and follow us on Twitter at @asksterlingmd.
Copyright © 2016 · Sterling Initiatives, LLC · Powered by WordPress

Straight, No Chaser: Domestic Violence – How to Get Out of an Abusive Situation

Trauma, Mental Health, , , , , ,
physabuse

Remember: You are not to blame, and you need not face domestic violence alone.

With the recent attention in the news on domestic violence and debates about responses and responsibility, I thought this post would refocus attention on where it needs to be: getting the abused individual safely out of harm’s way.
This is the third in a three-part series on domestic violence. The first post focused on the scope of domestic violence. The second post focused on risk factors and identifying whether your situation places you at risk.
When it comes to domestic violence, it is the immediate danger that can make it difficult for you to figure out the safest next move. Thus, it becomes important to know in advance the how and where of your escape plan.
Escaping the Crisis
If you are in a crisis situation, first make sure you and any other family members (e.g., children, parents) are safe. Leave the scene immediately, and find safe haven wherever it exists, such as an emergency shelter or the home of a friend or family member. You can find a shelter by calling (800) 799-SAFE. Call the police if you think you can’t leave home safely or if you want to bring charges against your abuser. If possible, take house keys, money and important papers with you. The staff members at emergency shelters can help you file for a court order of protection.
Be advised: Do not use drugs or alcohol at this time, because you need to be alert in a crisis. Even while you do what you feel you must do, be aware that use of weapons (even in a life-saving defense) will likely complicate and confuse matters.
If you can, just in  case, plan your escape. Establish escape routes and a safe haven. Secure important documents.
Where Do I Go If I’m Mentally or Physically Hurt?
Talk to a physician or get to an emergency department. We are prepared to check you for any life-threatening consequences to your abuse, treat any medical issue, provide mental health support and make referrals. Should you find an emergency shelter, counseling and support groups are available for you and your children. 
physabuseman
Dealing With Your Abuser
Your primary focus should be on finding help for yourself and escaping the danger.

  • First things first: Call the police if you believe that you are in danger.
  • Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), your state domestic violence coalition and/or a local domestic violence agency. Seek out and speak with a family law advocate at your local crisis center. He or she can help you press charges against the perpetrator, file a temporary restraining order and advise you on how to seek a permanent restraining order.
  • Don’t keep your circumstances hidden. Discuss them with a physician, nurse, therapist, friend, family member or spiritual advisor when you first believe yourself to be in a dangerous environment. Be careful to avoid advice that attempts to place you back in harm’s way or to do anything that is not best for you or your family. Don’t let someone talk you into doing something that isn’t right for you.
  • Document any attempts at contact by the perpetrator. Save any new messages (especially threatening ones).
  • Keep photographs that show any injuries you received. You will need this should you pursue legal action (e.g., press charges or file a restraining order).
  • While it’s best to avoid the abuser completely, if you must meet to exchange documents or personal effects, do it in broad daylight where plenty of people are around, particularly those you know. It is preferable to have someone else make those exchanges, if possible.

dvhotline
After You’ve Escaped
You need to remain detached from your former situation as much as possible and implement changes in your life. Consider these following tips:

  • Establish a new routine. Someone looking for you will look for you in places you’ve frequented in the past.
  • Maintain an escape plan in your new location. It may seem counterintuitive, but avoid a route that takes you through areas with potential weapons – your attacker may end up with them instead of you.
  • Change your mobile or home phone number immediately after you’ve escaped the situation.

Being subjected to repeated domestic violence can extract a devastating psychological toll. Although many domestic violence survivors do not need mental health treatment, and many symptoms resolve once they and their children are safe and have support, for others, treatment is a major component of their plan for safety and recovery.
Again, the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You should definitely memorize it, but I hope you never have to use it. Unfortunately, the odds reveal that many of you will.
I hope you have found the information in this series helpful. Good luck. Feel free to contact your Sterling Medical Advice expert consultant with any questions you have on this topic.
Order your copy of Dr. Sterling’s new book Behind The Curtain: A Peek at Life from within the ER at jeffreysterlingbooks.com, iTunes, Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and wherever books are sold.
Thanks for liking and following Straight, No Chaser! This public service provides a sample of what http://www.SterlingMedicalAdvice.com (SMA) and 844-SMA-TALK offers. Please share our page with your friends on WordPress, like us on Facebook @ SterlingMedicalAdvice.com and follow us on Twitter at @asksterlingmd.
Copyright, Sterling Initiatives, LLC. 2013-2015
 

Straight, No Chaser: Focus on Domestic Violence

Trauma, Mental Health, , , , , ,

Domestic-Violence

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, although it doesn’t take a break during other months. Are you concerned about domestic violence? You are not alone. Domestic violence occurs in every culture and society. It occurs in all age groups and in men and women. It occurs in all races, income levels and religions. It occurs in heterosexual and homosexual relationships. It is estimated that one in four women and one in nine men will be victims of domestic violence at some point in their lives. That’s right. Many (if not most) emergency rooms now screen every single woman for domestic violence. You need to know the signs of danger and what you can do to get help.
This is the first in a three-part series on domestic violence. This post will focus on the scope of domestic violence. The next post will focus on identifying risk factors. The third post will focus on actions to take if you find yourself in a relationship in which domestic violence occurs.
Domestic violence is the abuse that one person with control in a household inflicts on another. Perpetrators can include parents or other caregivers, siblings, spouses or intimate partners. Domestic violence reveals itself in several forms, including sexual (e.g., rape), physical (e.g., biting, hitting, kicking) and mental abuse (e.g., constant criticisms or threats, limiting ability to lead otherwise normal lives). These forms tend to center around abnormal control of an aspect of another’s life. The level of mental control is such that victims of domestic violence often internalize the activity as normal, assign fault to themselves and/or accept responsibility for the abuse.

Domestic violence is a crime in all 50 states of the U.S.

It is a crime.

Victims do not cause abuse and are not responsible for it.

national-domestic-violence-hotline-big

Domestic violence has consistent adverse effects on mental health.

  • Children suffering from domestic violence often display developmental delays, aggressive behavior, difficulty performing in school and low self-esteem. They are at greater risk for being diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder.
  • Domestic violence increases the diagnoses of anxiety disorder, depression, panic attacks and post-traumatic stress disorder. It is associated with an increase in substance abuse.
  • Domestic violence increases the incidence of psychotic episodes, suicide attempts and homelessness. It’s presence slows recovery from those suffering from other mental illness.
  • Domestic violence increases the risk of retaliatory violence against the perpetrators.

Please … contact us if you’re in need of support. Our expert crisis counselors are here for you, 24/7. 1-844-SMA-TALK or www.SterlingMedicalAdvice.com. You don’t have to “endure with dignity.”
Order your copy of Dr. Sterling’s new book Behind The Curtain: A Peek at Life from within the ER at jeffreysterlingbooks.com, iTunes, Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and wherever books are sold.
Thanks for liking and following Straight, No Chaser! This public service provides a sample of what http://www.SterlingMedicalAdvice.com (SMA) and 844-SMA-TALK offers. Please share our page with your friends on WordPress, like us on Facebook @ SterlingMedicalAdvice.com and follow us on Twitter at @asksterlingmd.
Copyright, Sterling Initiatives, LLC. 2013-2015

Straight, No Chaser: Battered Woman Syndrome and Why Victims Stay In Abusive Relationships

Public Health, Mental Health, Trauma, , , , , ,

battered wife syndrome

Domestic violence has been in the news quite a bit lately, and among the many questions asked, perhaps the most frequent is beguiling to many: “Why do the victims stay in the abusive relationship?” Today’s Straight, No Chaser discusses the Battered Woman Syndrome (BWS). In recent Straight, No Chaser posts, we have looked at several aspects of domestic violence, including the following (click the links to access the posts):

As suggested by the name, many more women are victims of domestic violence and battered woman syndrome than men, although men are also victims of physical, psychological and sexual abuse. As viewed by the psychiatric community, BWS is a subcategory of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
To be clear, this is about power, control and violence. Both the symptoms produced and the treatment offered revolves around 1) identifying and breaking the perpetrator’s control and 2) identifying and changing the environment fostering the victim’s previous inability to escape that control. In some men, the need to exert power and to control women simply exists (whether learned as a child or innate), and abuse is how it is expressed. Until battered women take back some control over their lives, some will continue to suffer from the consequences of this disorder.

Let’s answer a few commonly asked questions about battered domestic partners.

battered wife syndrome cycle

What are the symptoms of battered woman syndrome?

  • Avoidance behavior and emotional numbing (usually expressed as depression, dissociation, minimization, repression and denial)
  • Body image distortion and/or physical complaints resulting from psychological stress
  • Disrupted interpersonal relationships resulting from the abuser’s power and control measures
  • Hyperarousal (jitteriness) and a high level anxiety
  • Unwanted, intrusive recollections of associated traumatic event(s)
  • Sexual intimacy issues

battered woman coping responses

What is the treatment approach and plan for victims of BWS?
The survivor therapy empowerment program (STEP) is the central approach to helping BWS patients recover.

  • Labeling and validation of abuse and safety planning (i.e. identify it, name it, and develop a plan for ongoing safety)
  • Cognitive restructuring (i.e. mentally free the victim from the willingness to accept the abuse and conditions producing the abuse)
  • Recognizing danger and building strengths
  • Reducing stress and PTSD symptoms
  • Learning about the existing cycle of violence (between behaviors and abusive actions)
  • Identifying and treating additional components of post-traumatic stress disorder
  • Calculating and adjusting for the impact on children
  • Grieving relationships and letting go
  • Emotional re-regulation (i.e. reprioritizing your emotional investments)
  • Rebuilding new relationships
  • Learning to appropriately allocating your pleasing behaviors and compliance issues
  • Termination (i.e. ending association with negative behavioral and individuals)

battered woman investment_model_abusive_relationships

Why do women stay?
It really is both a complicated and easily understood answer. There are many components to why victims stay and what’s necessary for them to escape, including any or all the following.

  • Domestic violence involves violence. Death is an option. This option becomes most viable when victims are escaping or have left, as the perpetrator no longer has control of the situation and fears the impending consequences. Clearly the victims understand this as well.
  • The dependency on the abusive environment often precludes leaving. Not having an escape plan, a safe haven or sufficient support are prohibitive to removing yourself from an abusive environment.
  • Battered women syndrome includes a certain mentality of invested love, hope and fears of loss that victims often do not care to easily relinquish.
  • In many cases BWS involves children, which further enhances the emotional investments and sense of impending loss, by both perpetrator and victim.

If you find yourself in such an environment and manage to escape, speak early, often, loudly and broadly about your prior situation. It will generate the various levels of support needed to prevent a relapse or recapture. Given that between a quarter to a third of women are or have been in an abusive relationship, someone you know is at risk. This is so prevalent that most emergency rooms now screen every woman for domestic abuse. Take the time today to ask your friends and loved ones if they need help. If you are that person, get help while you can.

national-domestic-violence-hotline-big

The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You should definitely memorize it, but I hope you never have to use it. Unfortunately, the odds reveal that many of you will. I have attached a related TED talk on this same topic by a survivor. 
Thanks for liking and following Straight, No Chaser! This public service provides a sample of what  844-SMA-TALK and http://www.SterlingMedicalAdvice.com (SMA) offer. Please share our page with your friends on WordPress, Facebook @ SterlingMedicalAdvice.com and Twitter at @asksterlingmd.
Copyright © 2014 · Sterling Initiatives, LLC · Powered by WordPress

Straight, No Chaser: Identifying Risks of Domestic Violence

Public Health, Trauma, , , , ,

domestic-violence1

Today we point to knowledge as the key to preventing potential life-threatening episodes in the household. This is the second in a three-part series on domestic violence. The previous post focused on the scope of domestic violence. The next post will focus on actions to take if you find yourself in a relationship in which domestic violence occurs.
Certain environments or conditions may increase your risk of becoming a victim of domestic violence. Here are certain considerations that suggest you may be at risk:

  • Drugs and alcohol can exacerbate an already volatile situation.
  • Be aware that pregnancy is a particularly sensitive time emotionally, during which abuse may start or increase.
  • Women with fewer resources or greater perceived vulnerability—girls and those experiencing physical or psychiatric disabilities or living below the poverty line—are at even greater risk for domestic violence and lifetime abuse.

Children are also affected by domestic violence, even if they do not witness it directly. To protect them and yourself, evaluate your mate or others in a position to exert control over you. Abusers are masterful at isolating, manipulating, intimidating and controlling those they abuse. Abusers don’t always attack with a frontal assault. Abuse may begin slowly and progress. You may accommodate certain demands in an effort to “keep the peace” in your relationship and then find yourself beyond an easy retreat from a once generous and loving person who is now intimidating and threatening.
The insidious nature of abuse must be reemphasized. What may seem, at first, to be an isolated incident complicated by theoretically understandable factors may grow into a way of life with seemingly small events triggering abuse. Your abuser may change from an individual showing regret and remorse to someone that seems repulsed by your existence, blaming your every action (or inaction or anticipated action) for the abuse that follows.
The following conditions and circumstances have been associated with propensities for abuse. Don’t consider these as absolute predictors as much as risk factors about which you should be aware.

  • Whirlwind romance
  • Abnormal desire to be with you all the time
  • Tracking what you’re doing and who you’re with
  • Jealousy at any perceived attention to or from others
  • Attempting to isolate you in the guise of loving behavior, including going to lengths to convince you that your friends and family don’t adequately care for you (e.g., “You don’t need to work or go to school” or “We only need each other”)
  • Hypersensitivity to perceived slights
  • Quick to blame you or others for the abuse
  • Pressuring you into doing things you aren’t comfortable with (e.g., “If you really love me, you’ll do this for me”)

cycle of abuse

Are you at risk? Ask yourself these questions.

  • Are you ever afraid of your partner?
  • Has your partner ever hurt or threatened to hurt you physically or someone you care about?
  • Does your partner ever force you to engage in sexual activities that make you uncomfortable?
  • Do you constantly worry about your partner’s moods and change your behavior to deal with them?
  • Does your partner try to control where you go, what you do and who you see?
  • Does your partner constantly accuse you of having affairs?
  • Have you stopped seeing family or friends to avoid your partner’s jealousy or anger?
  • Does your partner control your finances?
  • Does he/she threaten to kill him/herself if you leave?
  • Does your partner claim his/her temper is out of control due to alcohol, drugs or because he/she had an abusive childhood?

If you answer yes to some or all of these questions, you could be at risk for or already suffering abuse.
In the next Straight, No Chaser, we’ll discuss actions you can take to protect yourself and remove yourself from an abusive environment.
It’s personal. We understand and we can help. Please … contact us if you’re in need of support. Our expert crisis counselors are here for you, 24/7. 1-844-SMA-TALK or www.SterlingMedicalAdvice.com. You don’t have to “endure with dignity.”
Thanks for liking and following Straight, No Chaser! This public service provides a sample of what  http://www.SterlingMedicalAdvice.com (SMA) offers. Please share our page with your friends on WordPress, Facebook @ SterlingMedicalAdvice.com and Twitter at @asksterlingmd.
Copyright © 2014 · Sterling Initiatives, LLC · Powered by WordPress

Straight, No Chaser: Domestic Violence – How to Get Out of an Abusive Situation

Public Health, Mental Health, , , , , ,
physabuse

Remember: You are not to blame, and you need not face domestic violence alone.

With the recent attention in the news on domestic violence and debates about responses and responsibility, I thought this post would refocus attention on where it needs to be: getting the abused individual safely out of harm’s way.
This is the third in a three-part series on domestic violence. The first post focused on the scope of domestic violence. The second post focused on risk factors and identifying whether your situation places you at risk.
When it comes to domestic violence, it is the immediate danger that can make it difficult for you to figure out the safest next move. Thus, it becomes important to know in advance the how and where of your escape plan.
Escaping the Crisis
If you are in a crisis situation, first make sure you and any other family members (e.g., children, parents) are safe. Leave the scene immediately, and find safe haven wherever it exists, such as an emergency shelter or the home of a friend or family member. You can find a shelter by calling (800) 799-SAFE. Call the police if you think you can’t leave home safely or if you want to bring charges against your abuser. If possible, take house keys, money and important papers with you. The staff members at emergency shelters can help you file for a court order of protection.
Be advised: Do not use drugs or alcohol at this time, because you need to be alert in a crisis. Even while you do what you feel you must do, be aware that use of weapons (even in a life-saving defense) will likely complicate and confuse matters.
If you can, just in  case, plan your escape. Establish escape routes and a safe haven. Secure important documents.
Where Do I Go If I’m Mentally or Physically Hurt?
Talk to a physician or get to an emergency department. We are prepared to check you for any life-threatening consequences to your abuse, treat any medical issue, provide mental health support and make referrals. Should you find an emergency shelter, counseling and support groups are available for you and your children. 
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Dealing With Your Abuser
Your primary focus should be on finding help for yourself and escaping the danger.

  • First things first: Call the police if you believe that you are in danger.
  • Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), your state domestic violence coalition and/or a local domestic violence agency. Seek out and speak with a family law advocate at your local crisis center. He or she can help you press charges against the perpetrator, file a temporary restraining order and advise you on how to seek a permanent restraining order.
  • Don’t keep your circumstances hidden. Discuss them with a physician, nurse, therapist, friend, family member or spiritual advisor when you first believe yourself to be in a dangerous environment. Be careful to avoid advice that attempts to place you back in harm’s way or to do anything that is not best for you or your family. Don’t let someone talk you into doing something that isn’t right for you.
  • Document any attempts at contact by the perpetrator. Save any new messages (especially threatening ones).
  • Keep photographs that show any injuries you received. You will need this should you pursue legal action (e.g., press charges or file a restraining order).
  • While it’s best to avoid the abuser completely, if you must meet to exchange documents or personal effects, do it in broad daylight where plenty of people are around, particularly those you know. It is preferable to have someone else make those exchanges, if possible.

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After You’ve Escaped
You need to remain detached from your former situation as much as possible and implement changes in your life. Consider these following tips:

  • Establish a new routine. Someone looking for you will look for you in places you’ve frequented in the past.
  • Maintain an escape plan in your new location. It may seem counterintuitive, but avoid a route that takes you through areas with potential weapons – your attacker may end up with them instead of you.
  • Change your mobile or home phone number immediately after you’ve escaped the situation.

Being subjected to repeated domestic violence can extract a devastating psychological toll. Although many domestic violence survivors do not need mental health treatment, and many symptoms resolve once they and their children are safe and have support, for others, treatment is a major component of their plan for safety and recovery.
Again, the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You should definitely memorize it, but I hope you never have to use it. Unfortunately, the odds reveal that many of you will.
I hope you have found the information in this series helpful. Good luck. Feel free to contact your Sterling Medical Advice expert consultant with any questions you have on this topic.
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